Tuesday, January 30, 2007
just realised i won't be spending valentines night. considering the fact i've got to give tuition and i got salsa after that. hmmm.
so guess i'm available to club that night? (: unless i happen to get some date. a lonely valentine ey.
oh wells. was planning to do macaroni and cheese but realised we're out of cheese. fantastic. -.- hurhur.
oh, and i need 2 character references (2 people) for my application to volunteer at CCF. i have no idea why.
gotta go wash up ... driving.
ps. ever wondered why certain dreams just keep replaying over and over?
- everything's just temporary;
2:48 PM
Monday, January 29, 2007
so headed down to be a one day receptionist. i sat there bumming around and slacking my ass off for 5 hours getting 40 bucks. its free money. whoever thought there'd really be such a thing ey? was hell boring, and super quiet. but i guess if there's anything i managed to achieve, it'd have to be a good opportunity for reflections. got a tuition job. ah wells, near cdc. so i guess it wouldn't be that bad to travel about. got to start booking my driving lessons and pdl too. see how quickly the money flows out and how hard sometimes, the money comes in. im beat. supposed to have headed to meet ainsley to blade but i guess it got put off. hey, i'm really sorry. i didn't think i'd be this busy too.. ): il make it up to you alrights?thinking about volunteering at children's cancer foundation soon. as a playing personnel. i guess it'd really bring me out of my comfort zone, into something new, something maybe i should be glad to be learning. i don't know. but daddy suggested it. it's worth a try i suppose.it comes back to... i need a drink.
- everything's just temporary;
9:49 PM
Friday, January 26, 2007
we went butterfactory on wed instead. met up with andrea, and monopolised plaza singapura's third floor handicap toilet for almost half an hour before we headed off. met moses there. it was a fucking crazy night. not the crowd (it sucked), not the music (it was okay...), but things that happened. causing it to be metally and emotionally tiring. yups. in conclusion, the worst clubbing experience ever, cause i did things i shouldn't have. i'm sorry alan... but, the company was fantastic. hmmm, ANDREA! I LOVE YOU!! (: with kisses and chocolate hugs! (: (: (: after which we headed down to balestier for our ba ku teh or however you spell the damn thing. loll. it was a great girls night. and girls day for the matter. wanted to catch the cartel breakfast so we cabbed down to dhoby ghout and guess what!? no breakfast on weekdays! so pissing. we settled for mackers instead. were supposed to tan, but it was raining and so fucking cold we ended up at her place. hahahs. gossiping! and chilling! hahas. it was fun in a subtle way. guess it did us some good considering the night that slipped passed so silently. loll.met up with alan for dinner. and he was in the army uniform! hahhas. (: had swensons and bought a pair of shades! and he was so funny, he made me crack with laughter, as well as the cashier near us. omg. so fucking funny! hahas. tight hugs!so going to meet ainsley in about an hour fifteen now. let's pray my day goes by smooth. (:
- everything's just temporary;
11:55 AM
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
went to meet ainsley ytd. caught the gridiron gang starring the rock. omg. the rock is like the ultimate one.... so yummy! (: an inspirational show, smth like coach carter, but with more cute guys. shrugs. ... DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE TO GET CHICKEN LITTLE STUFFS!? SCREAMS. i've been trying every damn place -- mini toons. more than words, some soft toy shops whatever their names are, toys'rus.... and the list goes on; but nope, they don't have.had the FIT bbq last night. (: headed down to the oh so familiar place with a mixture of bittersweet feelings. it felt so right, yet again, it felt so distant. and as you look around you at each and every place in CDANS, a little memory here and there just pops by. you smile, really, because the sweetness hasn't yet faded. anyways, met up with the guys who did first camp with me. they're really crazy. as in literally, unbelievably crazy. and for that instant they actually make you forget about the whole world out there that's hasty and stinging. but then as you look at each and everyone again, closely this time, you see that behind that fun loving expressions, the anxiety is there. so much worries, stress, things that they want to share but yet they can't. no, it's not a facade. it's an escape. then we all say our goodbyes. and i wonder, really, when i'm going to see them all again. just exactly how i felt when the first camp ended. went back with cheryl. i love that lady. (: really. kisses! i shall see you very soon darling. anyways, going out to club with andrea today. and a few other guys. she's going to sleepover, then we're heading to sentosa to tan tomorrow! everybody please pray it doesn't rain! ...i'm in a position where i'm quite calm and happy. i need everyone to understand. so please don't rush me or push me into doing anything which will affect my spirits. if things can just remain like this for awhile. then i can find myself, gather and reflect on my thoughts and then hope for the best after i've made my choice. so to everyone out there, give me my space okay. and to YU... thank yu, i appreciate your help. and your understanding. and i love yu! (: and to you. you're so fucking superficial. after whatever that happened you're trying to make it up with a dinner? a damn dinner? you must be joking. so continue staying out of my way, out of my life.
- everything's just temporary;
9:02 AM
Monday, January 22, 2007
of course i passed that damned test. and i saw a cute guy too. (: okay. PDL here i come. so ainsley's getting his book as planned tomorrow. ahs. i shall decorate it for him tomorrow before giving it over. im beat. been sleeping super early these few days. what the hell is wrong with me. think il head up early tomorrow for the swim and tanagain too. yea. it'll probably do me some good other than just sleeping in. hate it when you gotta bring other people down just to make me know im fucking wrong. i hate you that you say bad things about others just to show how good you really are. i don go for such things, it doesn't work for me. cause by doing that crap you're really quite low yourself. so fuck off. i gave you a damn fucking good try and you spoiled it. now you say its me who's the one at fault?. .. fine. just fuck off then. tomorrow's FIT bbq will do me much good.d need a space from the guys in this stupid world. give me a girlfriend instead.
- everything's just temporary;
9:14 PM
headed down to tan myself today at the pool. alone. and i enjoyed it. for once no noise, no screaming, no one telling me what to do. thoroughly enjoyable. hmmm. i may consider heading down everyday with a new book. (: so i just did camp for TKPS. rascals. but overall i had fun. funny how camps work. before they start i'm feeling all down. after they end, im feeling all happy. hahas. but the most important thing is i love doing this. (: made many new friends too. that's another good thing. get my mind off.... stuffs. ... whatever. anyways, supposed to meet ainsley tomorrow, gonna watch the rock show. whatever it's called. (: hahhas. then hopefully we'll find something to do other than hang out at the toy store. loll! plus im broke due to spending like 60 bucks on three tops and a pair of shoes for my salsa. oh yea.... salsa on sat! (: (: (: (: (: i loveeeeee salsa! was thinking of heading down to the db training this week. but guess im afraid of doing so. afriad of how they are now. im scared i get disappointed. really. scared. have faith ey?... ahs. ben when you're free call me. i still owe you that pizza hut. going tanning with andrea on thurs! yay! can't wait!... absolutely needing it cause my tan's giving me chaos now. stupid ubin sun. RAHS. ): hopefully it gets super sunny thurs. plus need to go kayaking! i miss my sun. im off to study for my test now. (: and happy birthday plus one day kimberly hottie! love you lots of sugar! (: (: (:
- everything's just temporary;
1:10 PM
Sunday, January 14, 2007
im bored out of my wits. i want sex and the city all ten seasons! can someone be a nice kind soul and give it over. ... i finished my dear grey's anatomy.sigh. i wish i were a millionaire. i wish i could travel around the world. and im glad i made friends. (:
- everything's just temporary;
10:40 PM
Thursday, January 11, 2007
firstly apologies to huan geng. (: sorry. next thank you to ben the man. (: really had a great night with you yesterday at harry's. it made my night. really. and maybe that's why i got 9 appointments today. (: hahhas. anwys, il treat you back when i get my paycheck. and by the way? as long as ballack's not in Man U, shrugs. i still don't like it. i miss my fellow camp instructors.. aji, andrea, jia li... missing ya'll!. sigh. i wanna go back to being a camp instructor. despite the dirtiness, rain, uncomfortable, tired.... but i really had fun working there. and cool doesnt mean cute. i hate the jay chou song. don even know the damn title. but its so fucking sad. it makes me wanna cry. anyways im out to scout for cute guys at zouk this sat. yes. im going before ten. catching a show after which i'll be back there. i need to stay in a nice comfy hotel room! ... where's my ritz and swisshotel.... whines.so its the breaking up and making up and blablabla. the hurt comes in cycles. so much so that when the break up actually finally happens it isn't that painful anymore. it's a silent shock. but it isn't so bad after all. or so i choose to believe la. i don know. so complicated. stay simple. as aji says... "every morning you choose whether you want to be happy or sad... so i choose to be happy". hahhas. yes, my inspirational motivator. (: fucking pissed off with guys and their fucking egos. screw you. stupid nuts refusing to move from your damn fucked up bunks cause other people are in the damn bunks making a hell lot of noise. but realise and remember this. it happens to be the ones you are talking to who are suffering. so spare a fucked up thought for them. if not just fuck off. really. FUCK OFF.whats wrong with the guys these days man.
- everything's just temporary;
9:35 PM
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
today i learnt this is a fucked up world we are living in. and we can trust nobody. not even the closest damn person you love. not even your own family, talk bout your parents. sometimes too, even we lie to ourselves. damned pathetic fuckers pushed to the breaking point where we reject our own truths, reject ourselves to believe in some imaginary fantasy. escaping into a world of numbness? fuck it. think again.
- everything's just temporary;
10:50 PM
its been long. i spent my new yr's eve in bangkok with the stupid bombs that made me not go to the night market. what the hell. so now i m back in singapore and i just finished a camp last week w a bunch of sec twos. that was a hell lot of mixed feelings going thru me. and now im stuck in some boring duty doing boring stuffs with almost hardly any guys. im repressed. i need some guys. well thats when you go on to the clubbing part, but i'm hell broke. so any sponsors you ll see me thr.then finally it comes to some stupid boy trouble. i don't even know where i stand in this stupid argument. but i think i've probably just totally given up on him. now whats with the fights between the guys. and how they all crawl to you telling you how smart they are that they din fight back of how macho they are that they did. well thats just hell dumb. fucking dumb. really looking worse than some dumb blond. ok. i'm in a rough shape and i need a drink. ben im counting on you.samuel -- il check on with you one day.huang geng -- so when are you treating me. rahs.ben -- il see you tomorrow night.damn. i need to go overseas.
- everything's just temporary;
11:23 AM
